he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
