he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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