After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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