but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
