It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
