I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
