So drunk its hurt
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
