I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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