Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
