We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
