He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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