Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
