No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
