the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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