Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize