my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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