update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
