I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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