Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
