he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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