She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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