I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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