how can u be prego again
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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