I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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