This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
