genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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