I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
