Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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