What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
