I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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