I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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