i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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