AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
