clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
