Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
