how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
