I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
