We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
