i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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