i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
