Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
