she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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