Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A+ Viking dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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