saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
