Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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