were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
