wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
