He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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