I puked a lego.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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