a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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