But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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