I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
