So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
