How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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