The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
