Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
