I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
