dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
