Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
