Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start

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(303): View more from Colorado

She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(504): View more from Louisiana

If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�

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(916): View more from California

Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy

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(435): View more from Utah

Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

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(406): View more from Montana

"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.

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