Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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