i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
