I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
