fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
