yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
