I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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