I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
look no pants
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
