He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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