uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
last night I used snow as a chaser
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
