i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
