The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
