thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
